


Dear Dave...

by a_perverted_squid



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, No Apocalypse (Umbrella Academy), Past Drug Use, Recovery, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 18:44:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19729573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_perverted_squid/pseuds/a_perverted_squid
Summary: Just so you know this was Luther’s idea, he’s the super buff one, he thinks this might be a good coping method but I’m not so sure about it. I don’t even know what to tell you, I feel like a five year old writing this crap. Anyway, I’ll go downstairs to make myself some waffles, nothing better to do anyway. How should I end this, with love Klaus? Yours forever Klaus? God that sounds so weird, I’m just gonna go.





	Dear Dave...

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative universe where the apocalypse starts but never happens! Hope you enjoy it!

April 3rd 2019

I’m not sure how to do this, I guess I should just start writing. Hi, it’s Klaus, it’s been a while since we last talked, well at least for me. Remember how I told you I was special? Yeah about that, I can talk to dead people and I know what you’re thinking, you’re probably wondering why the hell didn’t I talk to you sooner and the truth is, I don’t want you to see me like this. All the pills and painkillers we used to steal for me weren’t for my chronic pain, I’ve been a drug addict for as long as I can remember, I know I should’ve just been honest with you and opened up about it but I was afraid. To be honest I always felt like you knew, you never commented on it but the look in your eyes said more than words ever could. I’m sorry, I really am but I’m trying to get better, I’m trying to stay sober not just because of you or my siblings but because of myself. So here I am, in my old room, writing this stupid diary until I’m ready to see you again. Just so you know this was Luther’s idea, he’s the super buff one, he thinks this might be a good coping method but I’m not so sure about it. I don’t even know what to tell you, I feel like a five year old writing this crap. Anyway, I’ll go downstairs to make myself some waffles, nothing better to do anyway. How should I end this, with love Klaus? Yours forever Klaus? God that sounds so weird, I’m just gonna go.

April 4th 2019

Hi, it’s me again, do I even have to say that? Anyway today was a fun day, I woke up around five in the morning, puked my soul out, got back into bed feeling weak and sick, luckily Allison heard me so she spent some time with me. She still can’t talk, we’re not sure if she’ll ever be able to but she’s feeling better with each day. I suppose I should explain why she can’t talk, it’s a long story, way too long to write it all down so I’ll try to be quick. All of my siblings have powers, we were kinda raised to be these super cool superheroes that go around fighting crime but that kinda went to shit. Our dear father wasn’t so dear after all and we split apart, well most of us. My brother Ben died on a mission, tragic day but due to my abilities, he stuck around with me. He’s kinda my guardian angel or just that voice that screams at you when you fuck up. Good thing he’s dead otherwise he’d throw himself off a bridge. Oh yes Allison, so my other sister almost caused an apocalypse, we stopped her but she kinda got in a fight with Allison and accidentally hurt her. That was a weird day. I feel like I should explain the whole apocalypse thing. My sister Vanya had no clue she had powers but then suddenly, this dude shows up and they start dating. After dating for literally a few days, they run away together or whatever, this is where Allison comes in. She comes to this cabin in the woods and the two of them have a fight over that dude. Vanya ends up hurting Allison and then she kills her boyfriend. In all that rage, she loses control over her powers and almost blows up the moon on her first big concert. She plays the violin by the way, she’s actually pretty good. Yeah, that’s basically it, nobody died, except her boyfriend but he was an ass anyway so I suppose that’s alright. Pogo is helping Vanya control her powers, he’s kind of our butler, more or less. As you can see I’m not that good of a story teller but I’ll talk about my family more once I feel better, I desperately need a nap. My whole body feels like it’s falling apart, I feel absolutely terrible. They take turns to look after me, it’s embarrassing but I’m thankful for their help. I’m currently stuck with Ben, he’s just staring out the window and spacing out. I’ll go rest now.

April 5th 2019

I feel a bit better today, I managed to get enough sleep and went out with Vanya and Allison. Allison decided to treat the two of us and took us shopping, she got me black nail polish, eyeliner, a long black skirt and a turquoise crop top. Once I summon you I’ll show you my closet. I have plenty of cute clothes. I bet you’ll love my style, it’s much cooler than what I had during the war. Writing these still feels a bit awkward but it’s nice to talk without actually having to open my mouth. No matter how much I love to talk, I still enjoy some peace and silence. To be honest I don’t really know how pure silence feels like. Somebody’s always talking around here, if it’s not the living then it’s the dead. The only times I’d get some peace were when I was high out of my mind. I can’t say it didn’t feel good, it felt amazing. Being so numb to anything and everything that goes on around me. The feeling of freedom was priceless, I mean I wish it was priceless. I can’t remember how many times I’ve almost died. I can’t remember how many times I woke up in those awful hospital beds completely alone. It’s scary, it’s terrifying. We avoided talking about it, none of my siblings know what I’ve been through, none of them know how many awful mornings I spent in those damned beds. Sometimes I wonder, if I asked for help, if I called any of them, would they come to see me? All I needed was somebody to support me, I mean I’ve had Ben and I’m grateful for his noisy ass but I really needed somebody to hug me and hold my hand, you know, somebody to tell me I’d be fine and all that crap. I guess all I needed was somebody to make me feel safe, I needed protection. Alright this is getting too sappy. I can’t wait to see you again. 

April 7th 2019

I completely missed one day, sorry about that. I spent the whole day with Grace, she’s my mom. I was feeling incredibly ill and they considered taking me to a hospital, I begged them not to. Not a big fan of hospitals, they’re absolutely terrible. I know what you’re thinking, who likes hospitals anyway but trust me in my case it’s different, it’s very different. When you walk around you see a bunch of sick people waiting to see a doctor and get help but I see beyond that. I see old people wandering around aimlessly, I see children crying and screaming, begging to see their parents. It’s the most horrific sight ever. I never liked kids, never cared about them either but seeing a hurt child scream and beg for help while nobody can help them hurts. Well I can talk to them but that’s about it. I’m pretty much useless. Unfortunately they don’t care, none of them care about the fact that I can’t help them, they’re all too mesmerized by the fact that they’re actually talking to somebody. I understand that means the world to them but it’s not that pleasant for me. Having multiple people shout at me at the same time isn’t enjoyable at all. Not like people shouting at me is ever enjoyable but you get the point. I don’t know what I hate more, being yelled at or being unable to help. I mean what am I supposed to do? Find their relatives and then what? I understand they’re not in a good place but I highly doubt there’s much I could do to help. The last time I spoke with dad, he told me that I had great potential, that I was destined for great things but I blew it all away. I’ve had this power since the day I was born and I still don’t know how to control it. I’m afraid of myself. What if I accidentally hurt somebody? What if I fuck up? I don’t know what to do nor how to properly use my powers. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore...  
Anyway, enough about insecurities and hospitals, just thinking about them makes me cringe, let’s move on to something fun. We’ve decided to renovate the house. Old man Reggie never had much style and half the things around here are old so it’s time for some change. I’ve also decided that it’d be the best for me to move back in here so might as well make my room look somewhat nicer. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget what happened between these walls but I’m ready to move on. I know it’ll take a while to fully recover. It’ll probably take years before I fully get over it but that’s alright I suppose. For now I’ll just focus on redecorating my room and staying sober. Luther decided to paint the walls in his room white which is okay, he’s a boring person anyway. I’d like my room to be colorful, maybe even get a plant or two, I’m not sure yet but I’ll definitely update you as we redecorate. While we’re on the topic of my house, Vanya decided to move back in, yay! It’ll be nice to have her around, I feel like the two of us never managed to bond properly. I mostly hung out with Ben, I was also very close with Diego but we drifted apart as we got older. We grew up and got busy with our lives, that’s all. Luckily, this is my chance to reconnect with all of them. I’ve missed them, I’ve missed them a lot. Good thing things turned out the way they did, at least now I have a chance to fix things. That’d be all for today, I’m too tired to think let alone continue writing.

April 8th 2019

I can’t do this, I’m too weak. I feel sick, I feel like my body’s falling apart. I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t do anything. Diego’s been here the whole day, I begged him to do whatever he has to just to knock me out. I don’t want to be awake right now. My mind’s racing, going over all the places I used to hide my drugs in. My body’s begging for release but I can’t give up now, I’ve made it so far, I have to keep pushing. I really wish you were here. I need you Dave, I need you so bad. I’d do anything just to be by your side. I’m scared and in pain and the fact that I had a dream about you isn’t helping at all. It felt so real Dave, it felt so fucking real. You were here and you held me as I sobbed in your arms. You kept telling me how much you love me and how happy you are that we’re together but then I woke up and you weren’t here. I want to see you, I need to see you. I miss you so much. I don’t know what to do with myself, I’m exhausted from living. The only good thing about this damn house is the fact that nobody that died here bothers me. Dad never comes to visit which is good. I don’t think I’d be able to handle him. He’s always been so heartless towards me. There wasn’t a day where he didn’t push me to my limits. It started out harmlessly, he’d take me on walks through graveyards and let me talk to the dead. But as time went by, his treatment became cruel and animalistic. He’d often lock me in mausoleums. I’d be there for hours and hours as they screamed at me, desperately trying to get my attention. I was just a kid, there was nothing I could’ve done, absolutely nothing. One time it got particularly bad. He locked me up for three days, only opening the doors for Grace to bring me food and check if I was still alive. The shit I’ve heard and seen there is unimaginable, something you’d only expect to see in a horror movie. You know what the worst thing is? Not everybody dies a pleasant death. There was this woman, Mary, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget her. She was the youngest ghost there. Mary was absolutely gorgeous, long blonde hair, deep blue eyes and rosy cheeks. She was dressed in a long white wedding gown, the lacing on it was so delicate she almost looked unreal, she was far too beautiful to be real. I never found out how she died, she never told me, she couldn’t. I can only assume that somebody got angry with her and murdered her on her wedding day. She had a long slit across her neck, the cut was so deep her head barely remained on her shoulders. Mary couldn’t talk but she could make sounds. She’d let out these horrific gurgles along with loud moans accompanied with wailing sobs. There was nothing I could do for her, the only thing I could do was to listen to those awful damned noises. The image of her head bobbing slightly as she tried to speak will forever be ingrained into my mind. I still see her in my nightmares from time to time. She just sits in the middle of a field, all alone, her white gown stained with crusty old blood. She never says a thing, doesn’t even attempt to, she just stares into the distance with tears rolling down her rosy cheeks. Sometimes I sit beside her, none of us ever speak or even attempt to do so but she always holds my hand. Her glossy eyes stare into nothingness, she doesn’t move, she doesn’t blink, she just stares into the endless colorful rows of flowers. Her tears hit the soft lace on her dress, it’s a perfectly rhythmic sound. 

Tap.   
Tap.   
Tap.   
Tap.

It echoes before changing its pace. 

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. 

My palms begin to sweat and I look up at her. Her cheeks are now red, blood sliding down her cheeks as she cries harder and harder. I close my eyes, attempting to look away as she her grip tightens. When I open my eyes she’s gone and I’m no longer in a field. The place I’m in is dark and small, too small for me. I try to move around but to no avail, I can’t get out. After I give up struggling to break free, the air thickness, suddenly it’s hard to breathe, it feels like there’s water in my lungs despite there being no liquid around me. I begin to feel dizzy and lost, the tapping sound echoes again

Tap.  
Tap.   
Tap.

It’s closer now, I can clearly hear each rhythmic beat.

Tap.  
Tap.  
Tap.

It’s louder now, I can tell where the sound is coming from. Whatever’s being spilled is right above me.

Tap!  
Tap!  
Tap!

It bangs and it bangs until I can no longer breathe or see and the world goes black. That’s when I wake up, completely confused and terrified of the whole strange experience. I haven’t had that dream in a while now, the drugs took away my ability to produce nightmares but I feel like that’s about to change soon. God, what I’d do for just one pill now, just one pill to take away the pain and suffering. I want to be free. 

April 9th 2019

Too tired to write.

April 10th 2019

I finally feel better. Yesterday wasn’t that great but I spent it with Luther and it went better than expected. We got to talk about a lot of things. Before I say anything else I’d just like to inform you that the two of us talked about you and he said he’s more than excited to meet you. I’m so happy to have such a supportive and accepting family. Anyway back on the main topic, Luther and I talked about dad and managed to get some closure. He told me about what happened the day he changed. Dad had sent him on a mission, it didn’t go well and by the time they got him back he was half dead. Luther says he doesn’t remember much from that day, just a lot of blurry colors and the room spinning like crazy. Dad seriously messed him up, must’ve been hard getting used to all the changes he went through. It’s like puberty all over again but more, you know, animalistic. I can’t imagine what I’d do with all that hair. Imagine how hairy his crotch is, no actually don’t, I think I just scarred myself with that mental image. Moving on. I opened up about all the shit dad put me through and surprisingly, he had no idea half of those happened. It’s so messed up that none of us had any idea what was going on. He put Vanya though so much and then used Allison to make Vanya forget about her power. He was one seriously fucked up individual. I don’t feel like talking about him anymore, he’s not worth my time, I should focus on my recovery and not his pathetic excuse of a father. Like who the fuck calls their kids by numbers, a fucking monster no other explanations. Fun fact did you know that the number four is an unlucky number in some countries, that’s kinda cool if you ask me. I never asked you what your favorite number was, I don’t think I have one to be honest. The more I write the more I realize that there’s so much I don’t know about you. Seriously, we need to talk about so many things. I can’t wait to see you again darling. I miss you so much, I’ll go grab a snack and hang out with Ben for a bit, I love you.

April 11th 2019

Hello! Just letting you know that I’d had an amazing day today so I’ll be heading to bed early. I’ll probably take a bath first though, I really need to enjoy myself a bit. I’ll talk more tomorrow I promise. Love you lots.

April 12th 2019

God this day, this fucking day. My emotions have been all over the place and I’m absolutely exhausted. I can’t concentrate on anything, everything is kinda fuzzy and blurry and I feel beyond nervous. Seriously hoping that’s just because of the weather. It has been raining like crazy, reminds me of the not so good days of almost the apocalypse. Have I ever told you about that one? I definitely have. Anyway moving on I really wish you were here, we could cuddle and watch movies or just listen to music. You’d be pleasantly surprised with how far the technology has gotten, it’s insane what these devices can do these days. Hopefully you won’t be too overwhelmed with everything that has happened since you’ve been gone, hopefully you won’t be overwhelmed with me. Listen I know I may not be ready but I’ll try because I miss you and I need you and I know you feel the same. It might be a mistake, it might ruin everything but I need to see you, I miss you, I miss you so much. I always thought drugs were the things I couldn’t live without but now I know that’s not true. The only thing I can’t live without is you. You are my everything Dave and when I say everything I mean literally everything. My love for you is ineffable.

April 13th 2019

Hi Klaus. You’re unaware that I've read your book and too busy to notice I’m writing in it. I’m sorry things have been rough but you’re doing an amazing job, I’m so proud of you. I’m so happy you’ve given me a chance to come back, the world has changed quite a lot since I’ve been gone, it’s terrifying but fascinating at the same time. I’ve met some of your family members today and all of them seem like lovely people, I’m more than happy to know that they’re keeping you safe. Well I have to go now, I love you to the Moon and back, stay strong and stay safe. 

-Dave

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on twitter @apervertedsquid


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